He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
