What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
