nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
