The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
