Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
