Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
