hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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