how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
