I just pynch a tree in the face
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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