In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
