I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize