i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize