He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
