You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need a beard to bite.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
