...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
