Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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