sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
When are your genitals available?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
