I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
