garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
