you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
