I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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