I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
