Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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