nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
