In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
a search helicopter?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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