i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
