A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
