Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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