i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
