she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
