so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
