can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
