She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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