but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
