I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
