don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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