i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
