was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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