I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
