It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
