the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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