I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize