I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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