i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
