carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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