Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
