Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
