You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
