Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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