I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
