I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
