I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
