I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
