dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize