God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
