A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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