apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
