apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
