Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
