so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
