Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
