k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
