i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize