Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
