Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
