I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
