no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
