yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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