Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize