Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize