The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
