he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
