Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
tell me about the eggs
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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