Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
