do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
