is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
